


extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-in-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes hair gel

by time_fliestime_dies



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Crack, I had to listen to spice girls for like an hour at one a, I wrote this in the middle of the night, M/M, This is literally just crack, dirk listens to spice girls, m - Freeform, shoutout to Alex for introducing me to this show ily bro hope ur day is going good, to find the right song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/time_fliestime_dies/pseuds/time_fliestime_dies
Summary: this the best thing I've ever accomplished suffer in peace frogelets





	extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-in-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes hair gel

Dirk was listening to the Spice Girls, a fantastic band recommended to him by Amanda, a beautiful and marvelous human. He had just finished his morning floss and facial routine, which consisted of absolutely nothing, and he was about to start styling his hair with extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-in-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes gel when it Happened.

The last notes of Wannabe faded out and, after a rather obnoxious ad showcasing the false promise of thirty blissful, addless minutes of spice girls, the opening notes of 2 Become 1 blessed Dirk's ears. He screeched as he reached for the bottle of extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-in-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes gel and unscrewed the cap as the first lyrics of the melodic song appeared

Candle light and soul forever,

A dream of you and me together,

Say you believe it, say you believe it

"Yell heah!' Dirk enthused! However, as the next lines of the magical song came, Dirk was reminded uncomfortably of....

Free your mind of doubt and danger,

Be for real don't be a stranger,

We can achieve it, we can achieve it

 

....Todd! "Sh_t yit." Dirk said, censoring himself in his head. "Dotgamn. Napple." As he stood, trancelike, skin pale enough to be anaerobic.

Suddenly, Todd knocked on the door, breaking through the shock of Dirk's realization. "Dirk! Seriously it's been twenty minutes, open the togmant door. Farah and I need our facial cleansers"

"Yeck heck" Dirk mumbled.

"Dirk?"

a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on,

'Cause tonight is the night when two become one

I need some love like I've never needed love before

 

Dirk took a deep breath. It was now or never. He grabbed his extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-on-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes-hair-gel for support, conveniently forgetting he had unscrewed the cap, and flung open the door. Todd, who had been leaning against it, fell inside. Luckily, he landed on Dirk's chest and not the floor. Unluckily, the shock caused Dirk to clench his fist around the extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-on-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes hair gel, squirting it in Todd's face

(wanna make love to ya baby)

I had a little love, now I'm back for more (wanna make love to ya baby)

Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be

Silly games that you were playing,

empty Words we both were saying,

Let's work it out boy, let's work it out boy,

"Todd!" Dirk said dramatically against the romantic strains of Spice Girls and Farah's shouts of 'where the fUCK YUCK is my facial cleanser' "Todd, I love you!"

Any deal that we endeavour,

Boys and girls feel good together

Take it or leave it, Take it or leave iT

 

Then he noticed the hair gel on Todd's face, and realized his friend's excessive hopping and screams of pain were due to the fact that Todd had extra strength, so-strong-it-stays-on-through-the-action-and/or-sex-scenes hair gel in his eyes

 

Are you as good as I remember baby, get it on, get it on

'Cause tonight is the night when two become one

I need some love like I've never needed love before (wanna make love to ya baby)

I had a little love, now I'm back for more (wanna make love to ya baby)

Candle light and soul forever

A dream of you and me together

Say you believe it, say you believ it

Free your mind of doubt and danger

Be for real don't be a stranger

We can achieve it, we can achieve it

 

 "Godtam." Dirk said.

 

Set your spirit free,

it's the only way to be

Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on,

 

"GEL YE L L" wailed Todd miserably Dirk hurriedly grabbed a washcloth and wiped the gel tenderly from Todd's face. It would not budge.

"Ho yo," Todd said, having calmed down a bit as the pain became slightly more bearable. "I guess it really does stay in through action and/or sex scenes...." He paused, looking at Dirk seductively through red eyes and gel-covered lashes "The question is, which one will this be, Dirk?"

'Cause tonight is the night when two become one

I need some love like I've never needed love before (wanna make love to ya baby)

 

Dirk tripped over his words, blushing at both the Spice Girls and at Todd's words. "Ahaha, that's jeremy heere, Todd"

"Oh," Todd said, reaching out a gel coated hand to caress Dirk's own clammy, froglike one. "There's nothing jeremy heere about it."

 

I had a little love, now I'm back for more (wanna make love to ya baby)

 

As the spice girls sang, Todd met Dirk's eyes and recited the song lyrics in time to the beat

"I had a little love, now I'm back for more. Wanna make love to ya baby." Slowly he stretched his neck like a gazelle and captured Dirk's ivory lips in his own. They were smooth. Like ivory. Their tongues cuddled for five (5) minutes until finally Dirk wrenched them apart for air (quite a feet considering the extra strength, stays-in-through-action-and/or-sex-scenes hair gel) and they bonked heads, lips still connected by strands of gel.

"Hella Yella!" Said Dirk, euphoric

"Yank thou mery vuch," Todd said. He was having a little bit of trouble speaking because some of the gel had gotten into his mouth and was slowly paralyzingly him from within. But he didn't care. His love for Dirk would keep him alive long enough to do what needed to be done, profess the feelings that needed to be professed. "Yeck heah," he said with zeal "I'm Todd Brontzman!"

"Yhank?" queried Dirk

Todd pulled him in for another heated, gel-filled kiss. "Yeah HEAH!" Someone shouted from the shower. They pulled back the curtain. It was Amanda.

"I ship it, even though Todd's trash" she said. "I mean, I'm here to give Farah her facial cleanser," amended she, and left.

I need some love like I've never needed love before (wanna make love to ya baby)

I had a little love, now I'm back for more (wanna make love to ya baby)

Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be It's the only way to be [Repeat to end

 


End file.
